On The Other Side

April 30, 2013

Yesterday at rehearsal I dipped my toe into the really hard part-- structuring, ordering, and otherwise piecing together the dance I'm working on.

It wasn't until afterwards that I realized, much to my relief, that I felt anxiety-free while doing it. In fact, I haven't felt the daunting pressure to make it good(!) in several weeks. For a solid three years I felt so anxious during creative projects that I couldn't sleep the night before I rehearsal, and so paralyzed during rehearsals that I couldn't figure out a logical next-step when I hit a dead end. To say that this was dreadful is a total understatement. It was the worst. It was like being tortured by the thing I love the most.

It's strange: it's not that I'm a better dance maker right now. It's just that I am able to make more intelligent decisions because I'm not focusing on the worst possible outcome. And, I can entertain that outcome without letting it fill me with fear.

Maybe you're in a creative rut, or overwhelmed with big fear, or daunted by the unknown in what you're building and working on. Be reassured: it won't last forever. Just keep going. I know that you'll make it to the other side.


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