Days and Weeks

July 14, 2015

Fox is 7 weeks, and we are in the trenches of newborn: a sweet and disorienting place. People ask me what I'm up to these days- besides baby things. The truth is, learning how to make life work with a new baby is an all-encompassing process that consumes my days. Figuring out breastfeeding and sleep and baby gas and then adding in a layer of adult things- eating, going places and seeing people, paying bills, maybe cleaning a house or showering, and eventually working- takes time. These things don't make for exciting adult conversation (even for me). And yet, there's a lot happening beneath the surface of banal daily occurrences like figuring out how to combat excessive boob leakage, deciphering baby cries, and working against the urge to destroy my partner with sarcasm after one too many nights of not sleeping. Maybe this all sounds horrible, but there's actually been a beauty in such a simple, utilitarian time. These days contain metaphors and life lessons applicable to all of us- not just parents. I am, however, usually too sleepy to properly absorb and apply them.

One thing that seems particularly notable right now is the strange, contradictory way that time works: the days are simultaneously long and short; a million things have happened, but I'm not sure what. Sometimes it feels like nothing is happening, and I will always be in a sleepy haze and whatever challenge I'm facing will never change. This isn't the first time I've encountered this feeling. It's happened when I'm undergoing any kind of big transition- a move or job change or big project. Anything where getting perspective is difficult because I'm so in it. 

I've been trying to reserve a few minutes of each day for perspective. I don't have the energy (or desire) for diary entries or that kind of thing, but I do have a notebook that I scrawl a couple of bullet points in. An incomplete sentence about one or more of the following: something that was good; something that was hard; something I'm totally excited about and hope to someday follow through on; something I want to remember. There's a lot I want to fully relish in these strange, slow days, but I still need reminders that they won't last forever- that things are changing and shifting and finding motion. I'm reminded that 'motion' was my word of the year, knowing that this year motion would look differently than it has in the past. I like to go, go, go, and right now the challenge is getting comfortable with slow motion and endless transition. 


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